for a girl

my leaf raking got stopped by the rain on saturday, which was ok since as you know i got to bed pretty late and was dumb enough to then wake up at 7:15 but at least you were the last person I spoke to before bed thanks for your call because i will live off of that for a few days and the first person i thought of when i woke up. anyway i got up on sunday and was about to go work out but thought it’s a beautiful morning sunny and crisp so why not put on the ipod and rake and it was wonderful. i spent as much time looking up at the blue sky than I did down at the brown leaves and spent a lot of time inside my own head which is not always a good thing but this time it was and this is what came out:

what an angel you have turned out to be. that you would reference me being ‘sent’ to you was among the biggest compliments i’ve ever received. i talk all of the time about the concept of being sent into the world rather than just existing with no purpose because ‘sent’ is valuable while ‘existing’ is a waste. sent is of god.

so you presented me with a couple of scenarios. perhaps we were sent to each other in order to serve as a bridge from a bad time to better days sort of as each other’s own personal light at the end of the tunnel and i don’t know what has happened to you but i do know you’ve been hurt and i do know that i’ve been wounded so if that is the reason for finding each other than what a wonderful thing that is. The other scenario is something much larger and more intense and in a lot of ways more scary.

you said that you don’t know how all of this happened, and neither do i but what i do know is that it has. i am not a believer in coincidence so how do we explain how two people who are very similar in almost every way or at least what you can see in such a short time and are searching for comfort and peace end up working together doing something that was not really what they wanted to do when they grew up and go from emails about the red sox and matt nanthanson to one of the best evenings that at least one of them has had in a very long time.

i don’t know what you are looking for but i’m going to be bold and say that i suspect that it might be a lot like me. with me you get a guy who is fairly flawed and slightly grey is more comfortable in hiking boots and a hoodie that in a suit and tie who may occasionally wipe up a coffee drip with the sleeve of his shirt and who would like both share the world with you as well as protect you from it and who has a very big heart that he’d like to wrap you in. what i am looking for is very much the same, but i am scared of being hurt who isn’t? and therefore am extremely thankful for you voicing your concerns now rather than later.

so again, if my purpose in your life is to get you over the bridge then i’m honored to do as chris rice sings and don a cape and fly to your rescue. if you feel that the purpose is greater but your situation is too much for you to bear, then i can make peace with that. all i ask is that you let me know one way or the other and at this point i am left with a big smile and a full heart, ‘bulletproof weeks’ on replay and a fleece vest that is gradually losing its scent of you.

you asked me if i’d be willing to fight and being a ‘rocky’ fan i love a fight analogy and although i am done fighting with the world because the world has won i feel that you are something worth getting off the mat and fighting for let’s consider this note round 1.